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Office Confidential

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For the post on Eastern State Penitentiary, click here.

Summer’s the season for Mason jars around our house. Not for canning vegetables or brewing sun tea. For storing urine. There, I said it. The straight truth from a working mother.  From June until August when my kids are on summer break, I go to work with my briefcase on my shoulder, and a quart-sized jar in my hand. That’s because I work in the bathroom-free bonus room over our garage. If I were to dart home to use the loo while the kids are with the sitter, they’d freak out when I turned around and headed back to work. Especially my four year-old, who’s still trying to grasp the concept of time. To him, something that happened five minutes ago is “yesterday,” and something we’re doing after his nap is “tomorrow.”  Saying I’m just back for a minute and will be home at lunchtime is too abstract. He’d watch me walk out the door again and start to cry. With my tiny bladder, it’s too much to ask of him, the sitter, and me. Instead, I rock a strawberry-motif mason jar, like I’m the spawn of Jethro Tull’s Aqualung and Paula Deen.

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Six years into parenthood, I’ve faced the fact that urine management is a big part of my job. I wasn’t always so accepting. When my first child was born, I railed against my BBSIS (bursting bladder/sleeping infant syndrome). Desperate for my baby to sleep, I’d drive her around town, all the while chugging water so I’d be hydrated enough to nurse. Forty-five minutes into our cruise she’d fall asleep, just as my bladder was exceeding its maximum psi. What to do? The sound of the carseat unclicking from its base was enough to wake her up, let alone the roar of a flush-valve toilet in a tiled McDonald’s bathroom.  Eventually I surrendered to the dark side of motherhood and became a C.P.U. (Copious Public Urinator). Church dumpster enclosures, school heat pump pads, private boxwood hedgerows, you name it, I peed by it. I had a whole routine, down to muffling the click of my seatbelt as I unbuckled and rebuckled the latch. In my mind I carried a 3-D map of discreet places in town where I could relieve myself in broad daylight without waking my baby. To my knowledge I never got busted, though it wouldn’t surprise me if some Sunday schooler saw the blinding white flash of my butt by the Bingo sign.

My husband sometimes gives me the ‘you’re-being-a-drama-queen” look when he sees me packing up my computer and Mason jar for work. He takes for granted the fact that he can come and go to our house for bladder relief without incident. I tell him it’s different with primary caregivers, it just is. When we were adding onto our porch a few years ago, my children would spy me out the window talking to the contractor and start to wail. The crying would start out loud and then dampen when the sitter hurriedly closed the door. It’s plain hard to focus on anything with two ruddy, tear-streaked faces pressed up against the glass. On several occasions I heard my children approach the porch, so I hit the dirt mid-sentence. When the coast was clear, I got up, brushed off my clothes, and ignored the builders’ pitying looks. What choice did I have? If mothers have eyes on the backs of their heads, then kids have mom-motion detectors all over their bodies. Radar love.

Posted in General, Planet Newborn.

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Survey Says

The Prison Babes, June 1989. From left: Whitney Morrill, _______Mary Alice Tucker, Claire Donato, Tamarah Long.

The Prison Babes, c. 1989: Whitney Morrill, Beth Adams, Mary Alice Tucker, Claire Donato, Tamarah Long.

Last Sunday NPR aired a short feature on summer jobs.  During microphone checks, Morning Edition anchors have been asking guests about summer positions that influenced their life’s work. The responses have been so good that NPR is doing a series on the topic.

Hearing this radio feature, along with our recent trip to Philadelphia, got me thinking about one of my most memorable jobs–summer or otherwise. In June of 1989 I was working as a prep cook at the White Dog Cafe at 34th and Samson Streets when I got a call from an architect asking if I wanted a job. I was majoring in architecture at Penn, and had tried unsuccessfully all spring to find work in a design office. The economy was in a slump in the late 80’s, and no entry level jobs were available. But in the early summer, the architect’s firm, Kieran, Timberlake & Harris, landed a project with the City of Philadelphia. The scope was huge and the time line was short. It involved going to prison.

After a quick interview between restaurant shifts, I was offered the job with the firm. I gave notice at the White Dog, and two weeks later reported for work at KTH.  There I met with the other new recruits: three graduate architecture students from Penn, and a classmate of mine from the undergraduate program. All five of us were women in our twenties. Our task for the summer: to prepare a National Historic Landmark Building Assessment Report on Eastern State Penitentiary, an historic, abandoned prison built in 1829. We were to survey the entire complex of twenty-one buildings and document their condition.  I was instructed to buy boots, an army surplus jumpsuit and a particulate mask because the buildings were ridden with hazardous materials, including asbestos and pigeon guano, a source of histoplasmosis.   overgrown

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For the next two months, the five of us–the self-dubbed “Prison Babes”– surveyed Eastern State in the sweltering Philadelphia heat.  The facility had closed in 1970 after several security breaches, including a riot. The ensuing twenty years of abandonment had produced a ruin of epic proportions. We were the first ones in to document the buildings’ condition in detail, the foot soldiers of a group of preservationists committed to saving Eastern State from continued decay, inappropriate development, or demolition.  Considered a model for prisoner reformation in the 19th century, the penitentiary’s hub-and spoke plan was copied at 300 prisons worldwide.  It was visited in 1826 by the Marquis de La Fayette, and in 1842 by Charles Dickens. Willie Sutton and Al Capone were among its 20th century inmates.   BH03

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The base of the wall along Corinthian Street is twice as thick as I was tall.

From the street, Eastern State’s massive perimeter wall betrayed no hint of fallibility. On the inside, however, the buildings showcased every type of catastrophic architectural failure, from collapsed roofs to stone walls shredded by invasive weeds. The partner overseeing the project taught a class at Penn called “Building Pathology,” a sort of gross anatomy course for architects. The prison was his dream lab.

For safety and efficiency, we worked in pairs. The fifth team member, the most senior graduate student, kept us moving at a clip in order to meet our August deadline. We measured cavernous corridors, stepped into every cell, and produced plans & photographic records of fourteen cellblocks, death row, the kitchen, observatory, laundry and administration buildings, and the perimeter wall.cell

Danger was everywhere at Eastern State, and we became good at sizing it up. As young women living in a big, crime-filled city, we were qualified beyond our architectural credentials to do our job. Our eyes swept rooms like searchlights–down to rotting floor boards, up to crumbling ceilings, sideways to missing guardrails. When we walked on a roof, we noticed subtle changes in the bounce of its substrate.  If we approached a vaulted ceiling open to the sky, we checked the height of pigeon droppings at the perimeter to determine how old and stable the damage was.  Creepy creaks and crashes, we learned, came not from squatters but from the dozens of feral cats that roamed the prison. We sidestepped carcasses of rats, cats, birds, and squirrels, and hoisted our measuring tapes over rusting bed frames in the infirmary.  Our pay was $6.50 an hour. Back at the office, we made a collage of magazine ads showing glamorous architects supervising the construction of high-rises, rolls of blueprints under their Rolex-clad wrists.

vaulted hallIn 1989, Eastern State Penitentiary was an assault on the senses. It was also serenely beautiful, an immense ruin in a city obsessed with skyscrapers. That summer the imposing, eleven-acre site belonged only to us, the Prison Babes. The original penitentiary consisted of seven vaulted, sky-lit cellblocks radiating out from a central observatory. But Eastern State had devolved through the centuries into a crowded maze of wedge-shaped buildings that proved vulnerable first to prisoner uprisings, and then the elements. I knew every building like the back of my hand. I also knew that incalculable suffering was caused and felt by the inmates once incarcerated there.

BT10At other times in my life, the ghosts of Eastern State may have proved overwhelming. But not that summer.  My personal life also lay in ruin, having recently lost my roommate to a car crash and then my boyfriend’s love to the hottie in the apartment beneath mine.  Eastern State offered an unlikely refuge for me to feel in command of something meaningful, something bigger and more tragic than my own heartbreak. My family made several trips from Louisville to see me, and each time I took them to the prison. They walked with me to far-flung rooms throughout the complex that I’d strung together for their exceptional beauty, decay, and poignancy. We’d end the tour atop the observatory tower at the very center of the site. Access to its highest level–an exterior steel grate catwalk–required a ladder climb over an open shaft. I’d take three deep breaths before I could scale it. The reward was a view of the decrepit kingdom I’d mastered. Discernible among the sea of rusted roofs was the original, elegant plan that made the building famous around the world. Beyond the prison’s perimeter wall rose the Philadelphia skyline.

Today our house is filled with tape measures like the ones I used at Eastern State half my life ago.  In my hurried return home from job sites, I’ll set my surveying gear on the dining room table to free my arms for my children’s hugs. Soon afterward, I’ll find them yanking the printed tape all the way out of its housing. “Mom, this chair is one-forty pounds!”, my four year old will announce authoritatively. A few weeks ago, he sat on the kitchen counter and “fished” with one of the tapes. The silver box was his reel, and the long, extended tape formed his line. “He is on the leading edge of thought,” I realized, just like spiritual leaders say children will always be. My son saw the measuring tape not for what it was or is, but for what it could be. That’s why we’re mortal, why life delights in new life.  At twenty-one, I stood on the leading edge of thought about what Eastern State Penitentiary could be. Many others have helped push that edge miles beyond what I measured with my tape. Our collective efforts through the years have crested over and saved a hauntingly beautiful monument that’s now visited by 250,000 people each year. measuring feet

Posted in General.


Cafe Coconut Girl: Photos from the Meal Ticker, 2010.05.27

A friend saw me polish off two full plates of food at dinner last weekend and said, “girl, you have a hollow leg!” Well hey now, food is one of my things. Here are some images from the Meal Ticker, a daily list of our family meals that I post on the Coconut Girl’s Facebook and Twitter Pages. Although our diet at home is primarily vegetarian, we have a “when in Rome…” attitude about eating meat. Like when we visited the one-and-only Pat’s Steaks in the Italian Market during our recent trip to Philadelphia.

Top Row: Left: Healthy popsicles: frozen Yobaby Yogurts on chopsticks. Center: A simple dinner: cheese crepes and a steamed artichoke. The White Dog Cafe Cookbook has a great crepe recipe with fewer eggs than most. Right: Vegetables queued up for the grill: onions, zucchini, red peppers. I swirl extra virgin olive oil on top, and toss with salt, pepper, and garlic before grilling.

Middle Row: Left: An easy, satisfying dinner using whatever’s on hand. On this night, it was sauteed potatoes, blanched broccoli, a sliced avocado, and a simple tomato/onion coulis using canned tomatoes from the pantry. Center: french lentils cooking with an “oignon pique” or “pricked onion,” consisting of a bay leaf pinned to an onion by a clove. When the lentils are tender, the onion & herbs are removed and the lentils are served warm with a coarse mustard vinaigrette, per the White Dog Cafe Cookbook. Right: Green curry. Asian groceries sell small cans of red, yellow and green curry for about $2.00. Load up on them, along with cans of coconut milk and a bag of jasmine rice. As long as you have a vegetable or two on hand, you’ll have a delicious dinner in about 25 minutes. But be warned: don’t follow the recipe on the curry label, which usually says to use the whole can of paste. It will be too hot to eat. Find a recipe online and add the curry sparingly. You can always add more, but you can’t take it out…

Bottom Row: Left: Scrambled egg breakfast burritos with cheese & salsa. Center: corn chowder with fresh spring chives from the garden. My kids like to garnish their own soup using kitchen shears. Right: broccoli souffle from Deborah Madison’s Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone. I like to make mini-souffles in half-cup ramekins for the little ones.

Posted in Uncategorized.


Honeysuckle Road

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We saw crazy May coming all the way back in February. Nearly all this month’s little calendar boxes filled up early this year. Including four consecutive, jam-packed weekends, some at home, some on the road. We thought we were fairly ready, but then my architecture practice got unexpectedly busy. Most nights this month I’ve been up until midnight or 2 a.m. drawing, writing, cooking, or packing.  As I drove from a meeting to pick my son up from school today, I listened to Diane Rehm paraphrase Freud on her show: ‘the two things people need most in life are love and work.’ I pulled up to the playground gate and parked, cutting off the radio. Through the fence slats I watched my boy fill a giant stock pot with sand and flip it over to make a crumbly cylinder. “Cake, one hundred dollars!” he called. The crush of life’s abundance saturated me just as grapes soak the skin when pressed for wine.

Our family trips could be three days or three months long and still require the same amount of gear. The bulkiest items we pack are our kids’ bedtime essentials. Their slumber depends on cuddles with a Boppy and a giant heart pillow from IKEA. That’s in addition to the more compact lovies and teddy bears. I happily pack it all. Nightlights, lullabies, too.  When our children step up from our driveway into their car seats, they take a leap of faith. That we will drive safely. That we will provide them with food and shelter. That we know what we’re doing. In return for their trust, I create a pocket of familiarity in an unfamiliar place.  The details matter to them, so they matter to me. I smooth out the lovey on the pillow, place the water bottle on the same side of the bed, and maintain the nightly order of bath, books, teeth brushing, story.

Last weekend we visited my in-laws for a family celebration. I had the opportunity to meet my husband’s extended family, including ten aunts and uncles who couldn’t attend our wedding a decade ago due to age and geographic distance. Many of them are now well into their seventies, but I could still recognize their features from the childhood portraits I’ve seen framed on desktops next to photographs of our children. We exchanged the phrase “I’ve heard so much about you!” and offered exuberant hugs and handshakes. DSC_0082

In the weeks leading up to this trip, my daughter has excitedly awaited the arrival of honeysuckle. When we pulled into my in-laws’ driveway and opened the car doors, we could smell the vine’s blooms on the breeze.  Just a few feet into the surrounding woods, we spied the characteristic heaps of yellow and white flowers wrapped around tree branches. The next day, between family gatherings, my daughter and I strolled out to sample the flowers.  Last year I taught her–as my mother taught me–how to pinch off the green end of the bloom, and to draw nectar out with the stamen.  DSC_0090-2After sampling a few blooms, my daughter sauntered over to her great aunt M.J., who was seated on a bench, leaning on her cane. “Have you ever tried honeysuckle nectar?” my girl asked.  “Why no,” M.J. replied, in a sublime Midwestern accent. “I’ll show you,” my daughter said. A few seconds later she was requesting blossom specifications from the woods. “Yellow or white?!!?” she yelled. “Yellow AND white,” M.J. corrected. My daughter skipped back with a handful of flowers and proceeded to show a growing crowd how to extract the droplet of nectar hiding inside each one. DSC_0083

A young family member is reason enough to amp up an older relative’s enthusiasm for an activity. But M.J. was genuinely delighted by my daughter’s honeysuckle instruction. “You know,” she said, pinching the trumpet shaped flower and shaking her head, “I’ve had a honeysuckle vine by my porch for forty (pron. “farty”) years. And I never knew you could get the nectar out.”  I imagine M.J. back at her home now, looking through the porch screen at the vine and remembering every detail of her great niece’s lesson.  A pocket of unfamiliarity brought back to re-invigorate the familiar.DSC_0094

Posted in Bits of Beauty, Learning from Others.

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Philadelphia Freedom

volvo_6Call it sleep deprivation or road weariness, but as we neared the end of our weekend trip to Philadelphia on Sunday, my husband and I were in stitches. I lived in Philadelphia for six years, and even after I moved south, I still trekked to the northeast on a regular basis. But that was another lifetime ago, and I’ve forgotten the highs and lows of driving the stretch of I-95 between Washington DC and the City of Brotherly Love. Even if I could remember everything from those days, I’d still be repelled/enchanted by the new urban vignettes one can spy out the window. It did my heart good to see the signs like “Elite Bail Bonds” just north of Baltimore, and “this Highway adopted by Club Risqué” as we approached Philadelphia. I credit my quirky hometown of Louisville for my wack sense of humor, but dag if the Northeast ain’t funnier than it used to be. I was plain worshipful of the Preakness billboards I saw on our return drive through Baltimore. “Get Your Preak On,” they admonished. Don’t mind if I do!

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But the real punch-drunk laughter came after the three-hundredth mediation of back-seat slap-fights between our kids. All weekend we’d been maintaining the road-trip calorie drip of crackers, yogurt and trail mix to keep everyone as content as possible. A friend had advised me to select my children’s snacks based on the complexity of their packaging. That way, just opening the food would constitute a boredom buster.  But the bloom was off the rose by the time we crossed over thirteen hours of driving in three days. No tricky ziplock of dried pomegranate seeds or crafty shrink-wrapped juice box could save us from our roving cabin fever. And another thing: though I carefully assessed snacks for their antioxidant content and Houdini factor, I blindly overlooked their fiber content. By the time we rolled south onto the Capitol Beltway on Sunday, the back seat of our car nearly lifted for takeoff. As a policy, Joe and I don’t react when our kids pass gas so they won’t become self-conscious and spaz out their intestines. But that policy was temporarily lifted, too. Up to our knees in bendy straws, raisin boxes, and flung bread crusts, Joe and I started singing  “Puff the Magic Dragon” but with the words “Toot, the Rolling Dumpster…” I’m sure I swerved, tears streaming down my cheeks, as Joe spotted a Volvo wagon in an adjacent lane and said “Hey, look, another dumpster!”

There was much more to our Philadelphia trip than fart songs and ironic highway signage. We enjoyed my 20th college reunion, had wonderful visits with friends, and returned to my food Mecca: DiBruno Brothers House of Cheese in the Italian Market.  diBrunosWalking around West Philadelphia, a bit of nostalgia came over me, along with a dose of there-but-for-the-grace-of-God-go-I. But the vacation part of the trip came from laughter over words–printed, spoken, or sung. It’s true that it’s not what’s on the outside that matters, but what’s on the inside.  Of the station wagon.

Posted in Food, General.


Missed the Gravy Boat

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Work came roaring back for me last week after an eighteen-month dryspell. It’s wonderful. I’m so grateful.

I have fifteen hours of childcare per week. So my husband had to spot me several days this week for two or three hours at a time so I could attend meetings and measure houses. I make up the rest of my work hours at night.

When we’re both busy with our businesses, Joe and I get into a routine. Once we get the kids down for the night, it’s dark outside, and the house is a wreck. The dishwasher door stays down til 11:00 p.m., its gaping maw a reminder of the 45 minutes of clean-up that awaits us between work and bedtime.  The spatula and our only remaining sippy cup lid better be washed because we’ll be warming milk and scrambling eggs at 7:00 a.m.  Joe and I plow ahead, listening to old songs on the radio. The fragrant fuchsia peonies on the dining table & Lou Reed’s “Dirty Boulevard” prop our eyelids open. We look up from our laptops and laugh at the lyric “…Statue of Bigotry…” then refocus on our screens.

At 9:30 tonight I took a break and ate a sandwich (dinner) in front of the T.V. I could hear my cell phone chirping in the other room; my text message mailbox is full. I watched a telechef on the show “Everyday Food” make a boneless roast of lamb. He deglazed the pan with red wine and chicken broth, strained the “jus,” and suggested, “for your presentation, serve in a gravy boat.”

A gravy boat.

That made me laugh, too. Not at the chef, but at how shape-shifting life is. One day you’re using a gravy boat at Thanksgiving dinner, and the next, you’re cracking up because it’s been ten years since you last unearthed the spouted vessel from the cabinet.

Here’s another long lost item: “pumice stone.”  For Joe, it might be “creel” or “draught beer.”

We’ll have a reunion with these old acquaintances one day. But for now I’m going to do some more research on acoustical ceiling treatments. Then track down that last sippy cup lid and make sure it gets in the dishwasher.

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Posted in General.

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Portrait of the Artist’s Mother

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The third installment of seeing my life through the eyes of my over-the-top college art history professor. (For the others in the series, click here.) Please read with a pseudo-English accent.

“In this fresh work from the younger member of the artist group “Duo,” (American, b. 2006) nothing is…well, fresh. Seizing the verboten Nikon from the kitchen counter, the artist captures the chaos not only of the moment, but of the whole school morning. We feel the rush of his mother’s blurred stride, in hot pursuit of her expensive work camera. At the bottom of the image, the artist’s tube sock signifies his brief but defiant stand.  Their feet face off—not quite toe-to-toe—the space above energized, we know, by arms and elbows. Stuck on her sock is a length of scotch tape, the maternal version of the proverbial toilet-paper-on-the-shoe.  Did she place the translucent adhesive strip there, as a marker on her stockinged foot? Does it proudly proclaim ‘I’m wearing mismatched socks on purpose?’ Or is it simply a vestige of the artist’s bygone works, a palimpsest of birthday wrapping torn apart weeks before, now hovering like a fuzzy firmament above the weave? Ultimately, the once-tacky tape is the artist’s reference to his fingers, poised to smear the lens with sticky breakfast compote. But not yet. For in the midst of the pandemonium, we behold a single, serene triangle of red confetti. A triumvirate of mother, son, and Nikon, its crimson pigment hints at the once-red blood pooled on the mother’s shin. Her bruise now dulled to the gray and blue hues of her socks, we wonder, did it arise from a collision with a bicycle pedal, a softball, or a stepping stool?  Fragments in time, all—the frenzy of celebration and consternation—of mother and son, the wheel of life ever spinning onward, upward…backward…”

Posted in Art 101.


Tootat

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To my son, a tattoo is a “tootat.” That’s how it came out when he first repeated the term at the age of 2 1/2. Instead of correcting him, our family adopted his version. How could we not when it’s the greatest inversion ever uttered? “Tootat” has become my mythical band name, the moniker I’d give a dog if we weren’t allergic, and the vanity license plate of my dreams. Last month we stumbled upon a fire department fundraiser in a grocery store parking lot. We threw a few dollars into an upturned helmet and a smiling volunteer handed us a goody bag. To my son’s ebullience, a whole sheet of tatoos was hiding behind a stop, drop and roll pamphlet. When we returned home, he rushed to fetch a wet washcloth. He knows every step of the process, how to peel back the acrylic cover, plop the exposed paper onto his skin and soak it for fifteen seconds. Waiting for the transfer, he counted “one…two…three…” with an earnestness that tipped the earth’s axis definitively towards goodness. As soon as he finished one tatoo, he applied another until his forearms were covered. He’s unlike his sister, who meters abundance to prolong it. Knowing what joy tatoos bring, I often resolve to buy them at the store. But I always forget. It’s for the best; part of their magic is that they appear in my son’s life rarely and unexpectedly. If he’s lucky, he might grasp one raining down from a birthday pinata. Or turn his token in the toy dispenser just when the right container clicks into the chute. Having a drawer full of tatoos would remove something ineffable from the experience. Temporary or permanent, tattoos have in inalienable carpe diem about them. Not the full body-art variety, but the rogue word or graphic hidden at the belt line or the nape of the neck. I’ve never been tempted by the ink needle. But if I were, “tootat” would be my choice. All lowercase, Helvetica.

Posted in Bits of Beauty, Learning from Others.

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Featuring

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I’ve been noticing how nowadays, musicians “feature” other artists. When a new song comes on XM radio while I’m washing the dishes, I can’t resist looking at the digital display to see who it is.  My sink nearly overflows with suds as I watch the roster of names march across the tiny screen. What?! Robert Plant featuring Alison Krauss?  I float away on a vision of the shirtless Plant of the 1970’s meeting the pre-glam, early 80’s Krauss with her buttoned-up plaid shirt and floor-hugging denim skirt. It’s so wrong, it has to be right. All thanks to “featuring.”

Maybe the featuring trend sprouted its roots in a legal dung pile. Attorneys and agents sat down in a brown conference room and decided that “featuring” is substantively different from “and” or “with.” Surely it’s about money and rights. Which makes me wonder, if they were recording today, would Cher now feature Sonny? Surely Tenille would feature Captain.

Duets were big in the 80’s, especially when MTV got rolling. Stevie Nicks was a serial featurer with singers like Tom Petty and Don Henley.  Back then, it seemed more of a privilege to be asked to record with a popular artist. Whereas now, featuring a hip newcomer gives an established musician a sparkly new sheen. I Googled the phrase “featuring Rhianna” and came up with an extensive roster of  varied artists such as U2, Maroon 5, Jay-Z, Kesha, and TI.

mailmanThough it’s overused, I dig the term “featuring.” It might be all about ownership, but the word emanates the glow of collaboration and gratitude. My work is largely solitary; I design buildings, I write, and I care for my young children. But my life is enriched by many people, from our cheery mail carrier, to members of my extended family. If my role as a mother were to flash across the XM display, my husband would definitely be an “and” artist. But there would be many featured artists, too. “Whitney, featuring her Step-dad, who played mixing-bowl-basketball with her son for an hour today.” Or “Whitney, featuring her daughter’s teacher, who helped her tackle a harder book this week.” In my work, I’d feature things as well as people: ‘Nilla wafers, the Newark jazz station WBGO streaming online, and my favorite blueprint shop.  I’d need a bigger display to credit everything and everyone. Something say, the size of the Times Square ticker.

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Posted in Learning from Others, Music.

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Breakaway at Churchill Downs

churchill-downsA recent visit to my hometown of Louisville, Kentucky included several er, ‘self-guided tours.’ Two hours after sneaking my family into Lakeside Swim Club, we drove across town to Churchill Downs. I’d hoped to see a high school friend who works there. And to show my kids the famous Twin Spires and a thoroughbred or two. But we were bridled by multiple pit-stops en route, a scheduled 10 a.m. visit with my sister, and our son’s looming mid-day nap. We managed to arrive at the track at 9:30, squarely between its hourly tours. I called my friend’s office, but she was in a Derby meeting. Looking at my watch, I left a hurried voicemail, the kind that defines my NASA-precise social availability as a parent of young kids. “Hey, Cat, it’s Whitney. We’re here at the track downstairs. Let’s see…it’s 9:37. We’ll be here until, uh, say 9:52? If you get this, give a call, would love to see you!”  I hung up in smiley denial. The odds were long that I’d see either my friend or a horse. Meanwhile, Joe was shepherding our kids away from a fleet of mini pickup trucks criss-crossing the betting area. They were shuttling loads of stadium fencing in anticipation of the crowd arriving in three weeks. A party of 150,000 takes preparation.

With time a-ticking, I tried the old “tell you what…” strategy with the woman at the tour kiosk.  In the South, “tell you what…” is related to the attention-getting “hey, y’all, watch this.” But it’s a more subtle and sophisticated opener, like a cousin who earned a degree and married up. Used with a hushed voice and lean-in, it can make an out-of-bounds request sound more like a hot tip shared between friends. “Tell you what,” I said to the tour guide, “my family and I came all the way from Virginia. We have to leave in fifteen minutes-you know how it is with toddler naps…Could we just take a quick peek at the track?” I figured my chances were 20:1. “Sorry, hon” she warbled. “Next tour’s at 10:o0.” That’s when I got all Sarah Palin up in her stuff. “All right, then,” I said sweetly. I walked over to Joe, who was now carrying our writhing son on his shoulders and had our daughter by the hand. “Let’s go through that doorway there,” I whispered, pointing to a daylit opening 200 feet away. My daughter slipped her Crocs back on, her interest suddenly piqued. “What are we dooooooing?” she asked in one of those loud whispers that turns everyone’s head. “Come on, honey,” I said. “Walk like you know where you’re going.”  And we were off. We were in.

Posted in General.

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