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Broken open

easter globeA friend’s child came to play at our house recently. I forgot to put away a box containing our fragile Easter glitter globe. It had been on the landing since May, waiting patiently for an open hand to give it a lift upstairs, back to the attic box marked “Seasonal.” My kids don’t notice the constant piles on the stairs anymore, but this child was Meriwether Lewis on the unexplored frontier. She rifled through the heap of library books and pajamas and couldn’t resist opening the mysterious teal box. I was just steps away on the screeened porch, retrieving lunch dishes. “Mom,” my son called from inside. “Something broke.”

No one was hurt. The children were on the landing, old enough now to respect the danger of broken glass. “Sorry,” our visitor said. “It’s all right, these things happen.”  For all my maternal shortcomings, I have the strength of being relaxed when things spill or shatter. Two sets of eyes blinked through the balusters while I brushed curved chards into the dustpan. The globe’s glitter and glycerin made our floorboards sparkle like new again.

I thought about keeping the Easter globe. The music box in the base still worked. The bunnies looked shaken by their ordeal and I wanted to spare them from another. I tried to free the broken glass from the perimeter of the base and cut myself. After a few photographs, I set the globe gently atop the kitchen trash.easter globe detail

Later I looked at the images of the bunnies, sitting innocently in the midst of destruction. It’s funny what the mind links together. I recalled a photograph taken of the Daniel Boone statue in Louisville’s Cherokee Park on April 4, 1974.  It was the day after a massive tornado destroyed swaths of the city. The tip of Boone’s rifle was barely discernible in a sea of splintered trees. I was five years old–barely older than my son is now. We lived just a few miles from the park but suffered no harm. For years after the tornado I poured over a book of photographs that documented its ravages, including the one of Daniel Boone. In another image, someone had spray-painted on the side of his destroyed home, “Chicken Little was Right.”

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Posted in General.


More than a MamaRoo

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My friend L. walked her youngest child around and around the soccer field on Saturday. Her back ached but she waddled along behind her daughter, careful not to step on her tiny, muddy feet. I watched the baby grin, her arms stretched over her head, as she clutched her mother’s hands. L. looked up every few minutes to yell “whoo hoo!” to her oldest son during his game, and to offer snack suggestions to her middle child who was rummaging through the diaper bag.

When I got home from our kids’ games that afternoon, I saw that an email had come in from my mom. “OMG” was the subject line, so of course I had to open it right away. Inside was a link to a product called the “MamaRoo,” a sort of 2001 Space Odyssey seat for babies. It looks bizarre, but I can forgive that. What I can’t abide is the seat’s inane promotional video. It pimps the casual-chic voice and vibe of Mac ads to say that engineers have cracked the code for that maternal je ne sais quoi babies love. What is it, you ask? Why, the bounce-n-sway!

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“We’ve never seen a parent vibrate like a bouncy seat or move like a swing,” the promo begins. It shows a touching scene of a real mom holding her baby, their hands clasped, and their bodies swaying and bouncing. The mother nuzzles her daughter gently and whispers sweet nothings. They are an item. The company then proceeds to hang itself by cutting to its version of parental tenderness: a hard plastic recliner that’s half “baby’s first dental chair” and half rocket simulator. It glides from side to side with disturbing fluidity, begging the question: what’s the EMF on this thing?  And did I mention the ad never shows an infant in the seat? How many takes before they gave up on recreating the peaceful expression on the held-baby’s face? Is it because the seat sucks? Or because a headless woman keeps affixing “classical art balls” to the flaccid mobile and playing Barney on the MP3 player?

Of course not. It’s because babies like their loved ones more than they like machines.

Maybe the MamaRoo is a great product that provides much-needed relief to parents. Babies need to be held for most of the first year, except during brief periods in contraptions such as this one. Why not just say that this chair’s a deluxe parking spot? Instead, the MamaRoo ad blithely distills 4.4 million years of parent-child bonding to one gesture in order to make a buck. Or $199 of them plus shipping, to be exact. Who came up with this campaign anyway, douchebag dad-elect Pete Campbell? pete-campbell

I’ve never seen anything that comes close to the alchemy between parents and their babies. The MamaRoo may “move like you,” but does it feel, smell, sound, love, teach, and protect like you? Instead of diminishing what parents offer, let’s simply offer them a product that gives them a short break. Or better yet: let’s forgo this latest candidate for the baby-gear landfill and give new moms and dads what they really need: our arms to hold their babies, and our hands to walk them through the first year of becoming a family.

Posted in General, Planet Newborn.

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Cafe Coconut Girl: Photos from the MealTicker, #5

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“Everything that’s old is new again…”  We’re always trying to put an innovative spin on healthy food chez Coconut Girl. Last month we created a salad bar at the dinner table. Rather than presenting our children with a finished meal, we invited them to put together their own plate of fresh ingredients and toppings. One of our kitchen commandments is Everything Looks Better in a Ramekin.

Below are recent repasts from the MealTicker. The abundance of fresh summer produce combined with scorching hot days led to many ‘ploughman’s lunch’-type meals. These are plates filled with a variety of simple offerings that require minimal cooking. Our children enjoy them because the food is clear–they know what they’re getting and can easily slalom around foods they’re still learning to like.

Top Row: Left: “Salad bar” with roasted beets, grated carrots, avocado, sesame sticks, red bell pepper, and snow peas. Center: peaches, cole slaw, and black bean & rice tacos with sour cream, salsa, cheddar and cilantro. Right: wild rice pilaf (Near East brand), grilled asparagus, deviled eggs, and a salad of fresh basil, tomatoes, and fresh mozzarella.

Middle Row: Left: sliced red bell pepper, the beginnings of a pepper relish for quesadillas (White Dog Cafe ckbk).  Center: Afternoon snack: grapes, avocado, olives, and Parmesean toast.  Right: homemade pizza (Silver Palate ckbk) using fresh mushrooms and pesto from the farmer’s market.

Bottom Row: Left: broccoli and cheddar quiche with a crumble of feta for snap.  Center: Rice, green beans, and black bean salad. Right: toasted, garlic-rubbed baguette with asparagus and crumbled Stilton; salad.

Posted in Meal Ticker.


Chiaroscuro

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“Dark, not light!”

“Mom’s last words,” Vale thought, sitting at her dying mother’s bedside. She’d been delirious for days, in and out of a coma.  There had been many close calls during her week in the hospital, but this was surely it. Feeding tubes were out, transfusions stopped, ventilators removed.

“Vale?!!”

“Yes, Mother, I’m here!  I’m here…” She tried to control her voice, remembering the nurses’ admonition to remain as calm as possible in this moment.

“It won’t be the same, Vale…” her voice trailed off.

“I know, I know, Mother. You’re safe. It’s all right.” Vale held her mother’s pallid, wrinkled hand.

“Listen to me. It’s dark!”

“I won’t leave you.”

“It’s got to be dark because light brown sugar won’t carmelize right for the icing. Not rich enough. Took me forever to figure that out!”

Vale pictured herself telling the rest of the family that her mother’s dying words were about cake.  The doctors said the meds were confusing her, but her eyes shone bright with clarity.

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Posted in Wack Art.


From the Annals of Rage and Forgiveness

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On Saturday evening my son cracked a plastic mallet against his sister’s head. He’d just lost a round of “Whac-a-Mole” and was furious. He was also tired and hot, by God, after three more blistering days in the upper 90s. “I’m not your friend anymore!” his sister yelled, cheeks red and wet with tears. I yanked the gavel from his hand and sentenced him to a time-out. It’s just that simple at our house. Willfully injure another person and off you go.

It would have been the usual four-minute time-out (one minute for each year of age, says the pediatrician), except that my son was in such sad shape. He’d played in his first soccer game that morning, then had to endure his sister’s match at noon. The sun beat everyone down. “Are you ready to apologize?” I asked him several times.  For some offenses I’ll grant a little leniency if I know there are extenuating circumstances, like hunger or exhaustion. Acts of violence, however, are not among them. “Not sorry!” he fired back. “You may come out when you’re ready to apologize to your sister,” I said, leaving his door ajar. With his whole body, he slammed it shut again.

Ten minutes stretched to twenty, then thirty. I folded laundry and distributed it to every room but his. My daughter grew increasingly fidgety over her brother’s isolation. We could hear him whimpering in his room. “He needs you,” she said to me. “He’s okay; he can come out as soon as he says he’s sorry to you.” I changed out the towels in the bathroom, then stepped into the hall. My daughter had set up camp outside her brother’s room with piles of books and toys. I watched her slide “Barnyard Dance” and a Hot Wheels racer under his door. Amenities for the prisoner. “Don’t do that,” I said. She got up, but returned a few minutes later to coo him reassurances. “Leave him alone!” her Dad called from downstairs.

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Another twenty minutes passed before my son was willing to look her in the eye and say “I’m sorry.”  By then it was more about the showdown with me than the game lost to his sister.  With the time out, I’d aimed to teach him a lesson. In the bargain, I’d learned one about my daughter. It’s rare that she doesn’t mind us.  In this case, her insubordination secretly pleased me. She was willing to brave her parents’ disapproval to support her brother. A glimpse into a future of what I hope will always include being there for each other.

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Posted in Learning from Others.


Shirl

highlandI dragged the blunt wood edge of an eyeliner pencil across my lower lid this morning, too rushed to find a sharpener. For two minutes I was alone, if you don’t count my children’s knocks and pleas on the other side of the door. As I slipped the silver cap back onto the eyeliner, the memory of an old schoolmate, “Shirl,” flashed before me. She was in the eighth grade at Highland Middle School in Louisville when I was in the seventh. No matter when I went into the girls’ restroom during the school day, Shirl was there, laying down eyeliner.  Leaning towards the mirror with her generous belly pressed against the sink, she’d say “Hey,” without turning her head. Unlike the other girls who lingered in the long, echoey bathroom, Shirl harbored no malice. Just make-up. I’d study her through the gap of the stall door. Her jeans were so tight you could count the tines of the comb in her back pocket. I’d hear the flint of a Bic and watch her dip the eyeliner into the flame. One quick blow on the pencil’s end and she’d swipe it across her lids, defining her close-set eyes as if with a Sharpie. If it burned, she didn’t show it. Shirl was bussed to the Highlands neighborhood from the south side of town.  More separated us than a year. “Time to hit it,” she’d say, returning the lighter to her pocket and zipping her bag.  One day in the hall between classes, I heard the music teacher mutter something as Shirl walked past. After that, when I saw Shirl in the bathroom, I’d try to leave at the same time so I could hold the door.

Posted in Learning from Others.

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Birthday Party Memoir

hotelLouisa, the 84-year old grandmother of the birthday girl, arrived at the party twenty minutes after my children and I did. We greeted her in wavy receiving line, exchanging names and explaining our preschool association with her four-year old granddaughter. Or maybe I have it backwards. Perhaps she was there first to welcome us. All I know is that there was a distinct before and after meeting beautiful Louisa.

Two years ago Louisa moved to Charlottesville to be closer to family. She hails from Richmond. In the few brief exchanges we had between birthday cake and presents, she taught me more about the city than I’ve been able to glean in nearly twenty years of living in its back yard. A thread led our conversation to the doorstep of her childhood summer home, a place on the outskirts of Richmond. Originally a 19th Century resort located on a sulfur spring, the structure was later used as a Confederate hospital.  The main building burned before Louisa’s grandfather acquired it, so her family linked together guest cottages built on the hotel’s original foundation. “Magical” was the word she used to describe her summers there. The area was originally settled by French Huguenots. “Our cook’s last name was ‘Bonaparte!'” she exclaimed with a radiant smile.

We sat together outside, watching Louisa’s granddaughter spring back and forth from living room to yard in birthday revelry. I imagined Louisa as a similarly spry young girl, exploring unmarked graves in the Confederate cemetery with her sister. “There was no battle near there,” she explained. “Soldiers were brought from elsewhere and never made it home.”

When I asked Louisa if she still visited the property, her face became drawn. “My mother sold it when I was in school,” she said, clearly still pained by the loss. “The house had the complete works of Mark Twain. Two full shelves of books with orange linen spines. I’d been making my way through them.” Everything in the house conveyed.

Back at home that night, I searched Google Images for Louisa’s summer house. An aerial photo appeared within a few clicks. Not so for her beautifully bound books.  I peered through the internet’s satellite lens down onto Louisa’s land and thought of Twain’s writings: “The Mysterious Stranger,” “The Gilded Age,” and “A Helpless Situation.”

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Posted in Learning from Others.

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Elmer’s and I

sacagawea_2For sale online: ruby slippers for $17.48 plus $7.95 shipping. Or plain $10 slippers, $0.98 vials of red glitter and $2 glue.  Donald Trump, I ask you. Suze Orman, you, too. What would you do?

My daughter swallowed a loose tooth yesterday, or did she? It was there one minute, then gone the next. We scoured the house on all fours, and re-examined stark white tissues blotted with blood from her gums. “What if the tooth fairy won’t come,” she cried. “Now, now, the tooth fairy doesn’t need the actual tooth, she just needs you to lose it,” I explained. Her streaming tears oiled loose the hinges of her classroom door.  “The girl who sits next to me is very unkind,” she confessed. I learned that it’s been bad for a week. The topic has eluded our walks to school, afternoons on the sofa, dinnertime chats, bedtime stories, and weekend drapey drapes.

It was late last night when I finished the email to her teacher, filling her in, saying I’d be at school early to confer. I forgot about the tooth. Later, I wrote my client, “I’ll be up another half hour if you want to call about the kitchen island.” The base cabinet wasn’t built the way we intended, and it cost a lot of money. We’re sorting it out, night-owl to night-owl.

This morning at 6:30, I heard my daughter’s footsteps down the hall. As she approached my bed in the dark, I could see her excited eyes. In her outstretched hand she held a note she’d found under her pillow. She thought it was from the tooth fairy. But it was her own letter explaining the missing tooth. The note I’d forgotten to retrieve and respond to after navigating around the bully and the island.

“Go see if she left you a treasure,” I whispered, sending her back to her room. “Tiptoe,” I added, glancing over at my sleeping husband.  When I joined her a few minutes later, she was seated on the edge of her bed. “There’s nothing here,” she said.  I said, “Let’s look together.”  As we pushed aside bed linens, I planted a gold Sacagawea dollar under a pillow, the pink one with the rosebud print. Minutes before, my outstretched fingers had felt for the coin along the crowded top shelf of my closet. It was exactly where I’d left it—a lady in waiting for this purpose. “Did you check under all your pillows?” I asked.  Her hands swept the crumpled sheets. Raising the tiny brass disc for me to see, her innocent, toothless smile outshone the rising light of day.

Posted in General.


Silver Leaf

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Directions on how to find Beautiful Mystery, #1:

1. If you see a water lily, plunge your hand into the drink.

2. Walk your cooled-off fingers to the lily leaf’s edge. Dip it under the surface.

3. Feel the sun on your back and you may find her:  Gorgeous Joyous Lawless Limitless Cosmos III.

4. Don’t look up her Latin name because she ditched it for a Harley.

5. Swirl droplets like marbles, see them roll and disappear.

6. Trade your texting for a secret you didn’t know you didn’t know: she stole the shimmer from some quarters and then taught them how to grow.

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Posted in Bits of Beauty.

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Stride Write

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Sometime in the last week, a shoebox lid fell behind the shoe cubbies by our back door. It was worked on, then set down for another project. A four year old child saw the letters and traced them. The desire to write keeps him (and us) awake at night.  His mind is a blender, mixing alphabet soup. Cognitive leaps in children are often accompanied by sleep interruptions at night. Babies and children on the cusp of walking, talking, writing, or reading can’t turn their brains off. During my son’s night wakings I try to decode him. But he can’t answer my questions. He’s decoding the world.

Posted in Uncategorized.