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The Rule of 3

 

The E-vite field for my son’s sixth birthday party said “event time.” I typed in 2 to 4.  Just like that. Then I moved on to entering our home address and the comment “siblings welcome.” I plugged in the invitees’ email addresses and hit send.

Little did I know I’d just broken my own cardinal rule of parenting. The one that says:

All Afternoon Gatherings Involving Young Children Must Happen After 3 PM.

Why? Because most kids younger than five nap between noon and 3:00. Or their younger siblings do. Hosting a party that starts at 2 PM is like a detonating a dirty bomb in the Piazza San Family Schedule. No one will escape unscathed because a parent’s gory choices are:

1) Skip the nap, attend the party, and endure the writhing Hell of an overtired child

2) Skip the party so child can nap, miss the chance to eat cake/converse with real adults, and have angry/crestfallen kid

3) Split the family so the napper can get his rest at home while the other parent & child attend the party (nap-duty parent will face napper’s Tammy Faye tears and verbal abuse, plus week-long grudge)

4) Try a mini-siesta for the napper at home from 1:00 to 1:40 (attempting an earlier-than-usual nap never works). This really only nets about twenty minutes of sleep by the time she winds down. When you yank her from her REM cycle to leave for the party, she’s dazed/confused/wailing and won’t let you put her down for the next four hours. She dissolves into head-turning screams at the happy birthday song.

5) You skip the nap but the child falls asleep on the way to the party. You wring your hands, then finally leave him clocked in his car seat for two minutes while you sprint inside to tell the host the deal and deposit the older child. Back at the car, you keep the motor idling with the AC/heat on because it’s so hot/cold out. You constantly check the rear-view mirror for Al Gore, who’s due to show up any minute to cite you for your shameful carbon rave.

*

Two families invited to my son’s party were affected by our event time. One family chose option 1, and the other picked option 5. The tired children and their parents graciously weathered short fuses and long stints in a parked car. Now, several days later, I feel guilty about my mistake. The party time was immaterial to me, but it had a big impact on our friends. For young families, the difference of an hour can mean a relatively serene day, or an eight-hour struggle to bedtime. Because my kids no longer nap, I’d forgotten the 3:00 rule. I bow to a new parenting clock, one whose hands point to school dismissals, sports practices and homework deadlines. But the details of every phase of parenting are important, and I commit to studying up before planning social gatherings. Because part of what defines community is remembering what it was like.

Posted in General, Learning from Others.


Scope Creep

“Let’s get an ice cream.”

“Can I get two scoops?”

“One’s good.”

“Then rainbow sprinkles.”

“The ice cream’s so delicious, it tastes perfect on its own.”

“A waffle cone would be extra perfect.”

Ever have conversations like this? You start out with a good, simple idea. Then, the scope increases. More scoops. Sprinkles. A cone upgrade. My husband and I call this kind of conversation with our kids “scope creep.” He and I both have our own businesses, and part of our work is helping clients stay true to their budgets and schedules. Some job skills come in handy at home.

In my architecture practice, I encounter homeowners who pressure themselves to get everything exactly right the first time. They fear having to redo a kitchen or a bath later. So the small, shower-only bathroom we originally designed bumps out to include a tub. (They may have children one day). This may be their only construction project ever, and they want to be smart about it. I completely understand the dilemma. But add up enough of tweaks, and the scope and expense might grow the project out of reach.

With children, time can creep out, too. Another word for this is stalling.

“Can we have circle time and read a book after dinner?”

“Sure, we can do that for ten minutes and then go up for baths and bed.”

“Great, I’ll read a book, then we’ll get the alphabet ball and play Roll, Bounce or Kerplunk.”

“We’ll have the right amount of time for the book or the ball game.”

“It’s a short book.”

“So you’re choosing to read?”

“And do Roll, Bounce, and Kerplunk.”

I picture a shuffle board covered with numbers. The wood paddle pushes the puck. We move the disk around until it lands on the right figure. It’s a slick discussion, and I try to stay positive, to keep my boundaries and patience between the lines. I know that before I tug the pull-chain on the bedside lamp and kiss foreheads goodnight, there will be more scope and accompanying attempts to grow it. I am the children’s timekeeper. When they yawn, I’ll forgo explaining the physics of lava flow til morning. But one more hug before I turn on the night light? I embrace this sweetest of creeps.

 

Posted in Bits of Beauty, Learning from Others.


Graphic

 

Bad, sad stories cover the papers. People hating. Shooting off their guns and their mouths. Trayvon and heartbreak. Romney’s wife and Obama’s aide. Read all about it!

I can’t read all about it and then operate heavy machinery.  Did you see the viral video “Caine’s Arcade?” I’m like the filmmaker. As soon as he started talking on camera about discovering Caine’s creation I thought: he’s my people. He stopped in to buy an auto part and stumbled upon a work of staggering innocence and beauty. He had to get the word out immediately. Feel all about it!  That’s how it works with us sensitive types.

Bruce Springsteen may not dig being called sensitive, so I’ll ascribe this trait to the graphic designer of his new CD. I saw it for sale at a coffeehouse  next to a stack of dismal headlines. The slim square package transmits badass goodness like an amulet.  “Bruce Springsteen Wrecking Ball.” Just what the doctor ordered: a spray-paint font, a bossy title, and certain destruction. Wait, destruction? Yes, destruction. Destruction of all that’s bleak and hateful. Destruction of weak, good-grief-girl-trafficking CD covers like this one,

 

which I saw displayed in a shop window next to the coffeehouse. The shattering demise of “I’m too old/young/fat/poor/tired, and “I can’ts.” Instead of picking up the newspaper, I’m picking up Bruce’s CD, and then, the ukulele. Lessons start a week from Saturday.

 

Posted in General.


See Me

 

Philippe Petit’s tightrope stretches between two books in our house:  The Man Who Walked Between the Towers and Let the Great World Spin. I was expecting him in the first book, but not in the second. By the button-light of my alarm clock, he appeared on the pages of Colum McCann’s novel when everyone else was asleep.  At 2 am in 2012 to me, Petit was in the Catskills in 1974, where in the warm months he trained for his World Trade Center walk.  One day in winter, he returned to the field alone to visit the cable. He couldn’t resist the pristine plane of snow. He jumped. His body punctured the deep white and was suspended up to the armpits–trapped in a frozen cell tailored-made for him. His shirt pulled up with the snow, exposing his skin. Ice water filled his boots. The sun began to drop into night.

He wanted to be seen. Not in the snow, but between the towers. From below, from above. A dot.

We have line walkers at our house. I hear the squeak of scotch tape lifting off the roll. Later, opening a window, I see a message taped to the wall. Lines drawn hard, a furrowed brow. A tagger deep in the subway. A skywriter. I was here. See me.

 

 

 

Posted in Bits of Beauty, Learning from Others.


Crabwalk

 

As horses approach the starting gates, they sometimes crabwalk. It’s a sign they’re nervous, their version of trembling hands, or a shirt soaked under the arms. On other days, they walk straight in, unfazed by the pressure and the speed.

For all my crabwalking as a parent, I was cool today when my daughter rode off on a big horse, with strangers, under the blazing sun. A voice said: horses need her as much as she needs them, so bring them together and let them pass. For an hour I turned my attention elsewhere while she cantered away, out of sight, along miles of white fences. In the shade by the paddock, I practiced my flip kick in slow motion. Leg up, knee to stomach, parallel to the ground like a chicken wing. Then straight out to the side. I could hold it there for a few seconds, refold it, and rest it on the ground. My son flew down the slide, killing time. Up, out, refold, down. Let them pass.

 

Posted in Learning from Others.


Wheelhouse

 



“Man, I’m tellin’ you, this new place is soooo in your wheelhouse.”

I love to listen to dudes talk. (Which is unfair because generally speaking, dudes don’t like to listen to ladies talk). Men will take intriguing/dumb-ass terms from work and use them in social settings. For a while “circle back”–the darling of consultantspeak–was the new “it” girl at the local bar. “Reach out” and “pie-in-the-sky-thinking” had their days, too, especially on the Saturday morning soccer field. But these terminology-transplants pale in comparison to the new fave of business-ese: “wheelhouse.”

Wheelhouse! Oh, wheelhouse! Now that’s a term I can sink my teeth into. It’s so muscular and manly. (Unless it’s actually “reelhouse” and my first-grade speech impediment’s flaring up).  Just imagine a wheel in a house. Or a boat–whatever–go with it. It’s not about the reference, the imagery, or the meaning. It’s a great word pairing, and that’s good enough for me.

But what’s in this wheelhouse of mine, anyway, the one I keep carrying on about ? Lots of things. Like:

Our screened porch, fresh out of the mothballs.

 

This picture of Kristin Wiig:

 

Karate

Protein Buffets (because of karate)

“Misstra Know it All” by Stevie Wonder

and this PG-13 video for CLAW (Collective of Lady Arm Wrestlers)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hGR30W45IE&feature=share
I mean really, really in my wheelhouse. Just don’t ask me to say that quickly or I’ll be back in the portable at Belknap Elementary.

 


Posted in General.


Three Tweaks

1. Salad Days

My vinaigrette and I love each other very, very much. But after fifteen years together, the thrill is gone. Garlic mashed with salt, a grind of pepper, some lemon juice, coarse Dijon, red wine vinegar, and olive oil: they’re good on everything. Yet played out. Enter: Worcestershire sauce. Who knew this beef-centric condiment could rock my baco-vegetarian world? There’s no telling what’s in the dark elixir, but color me umami!

For a sexy salad makeover, take the vinaigrette ingredients above, substitute dry mustard for the Dijon, and canola oil for the olive oil. Then shake in a dash or two of Worcestershire. Just a tad. This tip courtesy of Meg, Step-mom of the Coconut Girl.

2. IKEA, I hardly know ya!

There are two ways to shop at Ikea. Eternally, or surgically. After many trips to the Swedish retailer, I’ve learned to skip the endless room displays and go straight to a few preselected items. No more testing mattresses or staring at the mechanical arm banging cabinet doors shut. Now it’s just park, grab the Kluckaa drawer pulls, and bolt!

Nevertheless I sometimes get ambushed by an unexpected shot of beauty, like SY, an Ikea-produced tome about textiles. Last November I paratrooped into the store’s office section to get some desk accessories. Next to a stack of inboxes was a single copy of SY. Was it destiny? Or was it abandoned by a Mom suddenly summoned to get her kid from Smalland?  I’m not sure, but for $9.99, I was sold. One of the book’s pages shows a curtain hanging from a tree. ‘Drape fabric from a branch where there’s a breeze,’ the caption says. So this past Sunday, when Spring arrived on our street, that’s just what I did. Neighborhood kids came out of the woodwork to investigate. It’s a sail! A curtain! A wall! A stage! A karate pad! Yes, it’s all of these, and more. You can do it, too. Just grab a couple of clothespins and some fabric. A spare curtain or twin sheet will do.

3. Trace

When people think of architects, they usually think of blueprints. But long before designs are ready for the printer, architects use semi-transparent trace paper to sketch out different schemes. Trace is rolled out over an existing drawing, which allows for quick design studies without marring the original document. The paper reproduces well on a copier, making it useful for client meetings in the early design phases.

But trace has applications in the thee-dimensional world, too. I’ve used it to wrap presents, and make wall hangings. My favorite real-world use of trace was a project I did with some kindergartners in 2010. I was teaching them how small design changes can make a place feel completely different. We wrapped layers of trace around their school sandbox and created a semi-enclosed room. We purposefully left gaps between the courses to frame views in and out. The best part, though, was seeing how the new walls caught light and shadow from the surrounding trees and trellis. Twenty minutes to transformation…no blueprints necessary.


 


Posted in Bits of Beauty.


the Coconut Girl Home Security

People in town have been stressed out about a recent string of residential burglaries. Here’s a quick tutorial on how to improve your home security quickly and inexpensively.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGs49w1rmrQ&list=UU4JoCs_H6gksB3xCaMuhq_A&index=1&feature=plcp

Posted in Coconut Girl Videos, Wack Art.


Tribute to Award-Show Tributes

The Grammys…the Oscars…every year the televised awards shows hook me with their “In Memoriam” montages. Photographs of celebrities and industry leaders flash by, while an artist sings a live, heart-rending standard like “I’ll be Seeing You.” This year’s Oscar performance of “What  a Wonderful World” by Esperanza Spalding was transcendent.  If she could have heard my honks and sniffles, it would have totally thrown her off. So good thing she couldn’t.

Here’s a tribute to the tributes, in memory of the household items we lost in 2011.

 

 

Posted in Coconut Girl Videos, Wack Art.


Lifeboat

A boy a and bowl of water

Sit on the kitchen counter

Swaying the shell of a hardboiled egg.

He looks at his reflection

While his mother seeks permission

Slips, a folder in the backpack

With a brown-bag lunch.

Look, he says, a boat!

The Tropicana tab, it floats

Above the eggshell,

And a shipwreck she knows.

 

Posted in General.